Getting Strong Each Day

Life has been anything but routine recently.  I have been forced to be okay with things just happening. Trying to adjust to on the whim changes, while still trying to maintain some sort of regime has been, well, interesting.

I think I have done the best that I could have, given the circumstances. In some cases, I think I even grew stronger. I found that my anxiety was coming to visit less often. I was nicer and more forgiving to myself. Allowing myself to take time to just come home and do nothing rather than running the self-shaming game that I partake in all too often. I mean, why is it so bad for me to take days off from running myself ragged at the gym or yoga? Why am I not entitled to rest days? A rest day here and there does not mean that I am never going to go back....right?

Why do I think I saw improvement? My guess, I was around normal people. Most days, I shut myself off from the rest of the world and I just do me. I mean, I interact at work, at the gym, yoga, etc but when I go home, I typically enjoy "me" time. Which is good and bad, because I forgot what it was like to be "normal" and I do use this term loosely - "normal" is not always the answer, but when you need to relearn how to function as a human being - "normal" is important.

I had my sister around for a lot of the support and a new friend has been very influential in my mind-shift to a more positive outlook on life.
I am also starting to remember who I am and finding comfort in that!

My fear is that, now that I am getting into a more routine-like setting, that I will go back to shutting myself off - forgetting to be patient with myself and that my anxiety will come back stronger than ever.

First step, acknowledging out loud that all of these scenarios could very likely occur.
Second step, try to cut-them off before they come back to play.
Third step, okay, they came back - now what? Do I let them take over my life again or do I take control. I would like to think that this time around, I will take control and I am going to squash any negativity in life and just be a ray of sunshine :) - cheesy I know, but it does make me smile.

I have been neglecting smart food options and my Aryuredic doctor this past month, and my body and mind are beginning to feel it!

I have gone back to simple meals like Mong-Dahl. Fingers are crossed that with a little bit of time and patience with myself that all will be well.

Last topic of today's rant. Comparison - we all do it - but why? It's such an evil thing towards others and more importantly, to ourselves.
List of jealous-activities recently:
1. My oldest sister, that she has built herself a support system of loving people that would be there for her no matter hell or high water
2. My twin sister that she is about to be traveling all over the world this summer - that she found someone to love her for her and share a life together forever, and that she is close to family that can quickly come support her needs.
3. My youngest sister - that she seems to know what it is that she wants to do and that she too has seemed to find someone that truly loves her for her.
4. People who do not have student loans! ARGH!

Now that I have listed out my jealous acts, it's real and I have to own them. Meaning, I am making a commitment to myself that I will acknowledge each act and try to pin-point the real reasoning behind them and if they are valid and something is "missing" in my life - well, then it is up to me and only me to fix that. I can't look to any one other person for happiness. It has to stem from me :).

Until next time.....



Comments

  1. Remember - things aren't always as they seem; especially the happy shows. you're awesome! Be nice to you. Love ya!

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